Frank Wank

Who or what in the porn world is a Frank Wank? For starters, Frank Wank com is an eponymously-named Meat Members site, telling the lurid tale of a leopard print-bedecked coat and hat-clad cad who hunts sluts to scam for a fuck. He’s garbed that way because he thinks there are bimbos who believe that’s how porn agents dress up, not in silk pajamas like Hugh Hefner.

Oh well, can’t argue with a dude who’s come up with more than 160 updates for his site now, can you? Besides the WMV and MPEG video clips, there are (hurrah! hurrah!) high-res photo sets and vid caps galleries with each update, zipped and slide show-enhanced. Looks like Meat Members finally decided to fill up the disappointing void, at least for this site, with nice-looking 600 x 900 pixel photos, and trailers for most of the updates.

Super-agent Frank Benjamin, looking like an ageing escaped feline from the local zoo, gets into the pants of so many dumb Doras that it makes me wonder if Pimp-sign blings work as well on old white geezers as they do on black rappers. Apparently they do, because Frank Wank gets to use his corny porn agent spiel, have the bitches fall for it, then shoot himself POV-style getting down and dirty with the hapless ho’s. Sure, the formula’s old hat as far as trick ‘em-and’dick ‘em reality spins go, but the hardcore action can’t be beat. Blowjobs, hard fucking, facials, sex toy play, even rimming are on the menu, and the sluts range from porn star-pretty to streetwalker-skanky. A nice hodgepodge of whoredom, in other words.

Now, just in case an overdose of Frank-ness is looming on the horizon for you, count your lucky stars that membership to his site means access to all the other Meat Members network sites–around 45 of them in various niches. Even if this pimp is out to screw sluts over in his premise, rest assured you won’t be getting the same treatment but will feel like your cup runneth over with such a generous network, instead.

While it may be all about the Benjamins for Frank Wank, it’s not farfetched that you’ll hit the jerk-off jackpot with this site. For more samples of how he does his pimpin’, click here.

Models: Millian Bleu, Priva, Niki Vonn, Adriana Neveah, Lena Hawkins, Anna Lee, Courtney James, Misti Love, Jerri Lee, Tia Thomas, Sidney Kohl, Tryme, Jessica Bangkok, Carmella Santiago, Evie, Avery Page, Vicky Torres, Courtney Page, Lana Croft, Rosario Stone, Alexis Love, Cody Lane, Rayne Rodriguez, Lela Starr, Renee Cruz, Leah Jaye, Isabelle Summers, Veronique Vega, Angel Valentine, Christina Aguchi, Kea Kulani, Charlie May, Tyra Moore, Miko Sinz, Aurora Jolie, Laurie Vargas, Haylee Le, Evelyn Lin, Chrissy Moon, Adriana Faust, Jassie, Keymore Cash, Cassandra, Mindy Lee, Alyanna Love, Alicia Angel, Havanna Ginger, Honey, Jade Hsu, Brooklyn, Cherry, Tera, Taylor, Samantha, Chloe, Naudia Nice, Kaylani, Giovana, Luna, Malaysia, Cassie, Venus, Bella Maria, Devon, Domino, Sinstar, Bambi, Alex, Jennifer Love, Tina, Dia, Mason, Charlie, Soma, Brooke, Rhonda Lee, Ice La Fox, Lucy Thai, Sabina, Lena, Lyla Lei, Haley Young, Veronika, Fire, Jelica Jae, Nautica Thorn, Chiquita Lopez, Laurency, Lilly Thai, Vanessa, Cankies, Nyla Thai, Alexia, Sativa Rose, Mary Jane, Carmen Hayes, Nikki Loren, Vanilla Skye, Jordan O’Neil, Sammie, Christina, Ava Ramone, Kat, Dezeray, Megan Martinez, Gaby, Monique, Jasmine Byrne, Dasha, Asia, Katin, Lani Lei, Dani, Chanelle Chavez, Jackie Diaz, Shailee, Sophia, Cole Conners, Alektra Blue, Jamie Elle, Viktoria Sweet, Katrina Kay, Gia Paloma, Daisy Tattoo, Dillian Lauren, Tia Sweet, Mya Luana, Gianna Jolynn, Pink, Vivica Charms, Sanita, Jamie Huxley, Gigi, Michelle Maylene, Toni Chavez, Delilah Strong, Mika Tan, Stephie Thai, Loni, Marquetta Jewel, Naomi, Dasani, Kina Kai, Jessie Summers, Kamilla, Jenaveve Jolie, Franchezca, Lacie Heart, Dana Vespolli, Danielle, Ashley Marie, Jenna Presley, Sabara, Molly, Azalea Lee, Lorena, Isis Love, Eva Lopez, Ryaan Reynolds, Crystal Ray.

Dirty Fuck Dolls

Fuck dolls are there to get all depraved on, but the rubbery inflatable kind leave most men cold. I mean, they can’t suck back and talk dirty, can they? Fortunately, Meat Members is on hand to give pervs Dirty Fuck Dolls, the living, breathing, self-lubricating, cum-swallowing, tit-fuckable versions that are the very reason a lot of dudes resort to buying said fake fuck dolls in the first place.

Before we end up in a chicken-or-egg-type philosophical porn discussion, here are the site’s current stats in a nutshell: 59 updates, with the latest one done just a few days prior to this review. Trailers are available for most, but not all, of the updates. Same goes for the high-res picture sets–some episodes still have those pages showing up empty. All of the updates do hold video caps in zipped files and are viewable using a slide show, so there’s a semblance of consistency to look forward to. Membership to this site, as always, allows network-wide access to the rest of Meat Members’ sites.

What Dirty Fuck Dolls can boast of, at least as far as I can tell, is the gorgeousness of its model roster. Some of the gals are spotlighted alongside a stunt cock, but sheer pulchritude is what keeps episodes with two-girl tandems afloat. I am talking in particular of Melissa Lauren and Gia Jordan’s update, whose episode thumb just shows their head shots but will predictably get as much clicks as any naked, fucked-every-which-way model’s thumb just because they’re so dang beautiful (guess how I rated that particular update).

So on the “doll” aspect of the site, at least you know there’s truth in advertising. As for the dirty fuck part of the deal, let’s just say the site nixed all traces of tenderness even on its loveliest models. Threesomes, BDSM, gangbangs, anal, foursomes, bukkake, blowjobs that cause eye makeup to run….it’s like a Hieronymous Bosch painting in WMV and MPEG clips. This is where members can be grateful for the provision of high-res photos. Some of the scenes are unforgettably captured in 600 x 900 pixels, and though they’re not exactly of wallpaper dimensions, the clarity is something else at full size.

The premise that the gals were innocent prior to becoming the dirty whores that they are before their shoot is up is bollocks, but a chewy premise all the same. Clad in slut gear and made up like the porn stars that they are, I have to say Jamie Lynn Spears (Brit-Brit’s younger, underaged preggo sis) did a much better job at the innocent bit infinitely more than these girls can hope to try. But once the clapper signals them to do their stuff, they go to town earning the eponymously-titled site name by sucking and fucking the cocks (and coochies and toys) they were dealt with into oblivion.

Rough and raw hardcore treatment is what Dirty Fuck Dolls is all about. Take a longer gander at what these nasty sluts can do by clicking here.

Models: Kelly Leigh, Gabrielle, Nancy Vee, Mae Victoria, Paradise Long, Daryll Hannah, Kylie Worthy, Kayla Quinn, Elizabeth Rivers, Michelle, Brit, Dillian Lauren, Miss Arroyo, Mallorie Marx, Kelly Wells and Patricia Petite, Ariana Jollee, Allexis Malone and Victoria Sin, Cassie Young and Renee Pornero, Angela Stone, Veronica Jett, Sasha Knox, Leah Luv, Missy Monroe, Aaliyah Jollee, Jacqueline Summers, Luscious Lopez, Cindy Crawford, Crissy Cums, Lexi Hawk, Cassidy Blue, Riley Mason, Jessica Jammer, Naomi, Kat, Hailey Young, Vanessa Lane, Liv Wylder, Tiffany Taylor and Sativa Rose, Amber Wild, Tiffany Michaels, Brittany Andrews, Melissa Lauren and Gia Jordan, Courtney Simpson, Nikki Nevez, Shasta, Heidi Besk, Tyla Wynn, Lindsay Lane, Aaraly Barra, Holly and Alektra, Genesis Skye and Avy Lee Roth, Stacie Thorn, Deja Daire, Lauren Phoenix and Venus, Nikki Hilton, Taryn Thomas, Rachel Love.

Anarchy Archives

Sometimes, you just need to nix the tenderness and go all-out on the raw hardcore to relieve the hornitos.

Such is the premise of Anarchy Archives, whose more than 300 current updates feature some of the most mind-blowing porn to ever grace your monitor (well, mine at least). Everything is handpicked by the pervs of Meat Members from Anarchy films, and presented in an easy-to-browse way for members to enjoy. Not a shabby showcase from a site whose oldest update was in March 2006, whose most recent one is just a few days shy of this review, and with an upcoming episode waiting in the wings. A quick glance at the updates index (16 pages and counting!) show a good mix of established pornies and some fresh faces. I’m telling you, it’s pretty exciting country from the get-go, except the site could do with a better indexing scheme for its models.

So maybe it’s a bit too much to ask for high-res images, given that the contents are mostly DVD-derived stuff, but since Meat Members provided a high-res gallery along with the video caps one, why not show something in there apart from a blank page? This small nitpicky detail aside, there’s little to complain about with regard to actual content. Each update’s got a little plot line going, but rest assured almost everything ends in a sticky, messy finale that leaves no holes un-fucked. Movies are presented as segments for WMV or MPEG viewing and downloading, but don’t bother looking for full lengths here. The site doesn’t provide them.

It more than makes up for that with burp-worthy finales that will make your Mr Happy smiling like a spent idiot. Some episodes even feature group sex and hot lesbian tandems, while others feature solo babes going at their coochies hammer-and-tongs. Anarchy Archives really ups the raunch factor with bareback fucking and gagging oral that leave little to the imagination, and plenty of room for wankathons.

Pretty filling jerk-off fare, Anarchy Archives is.

Membership Price: $4.95 for 3 days, $29.95 for 30 days; access to all other Meat Members network sites upon membership.

Models: Linda, Carrie Ann, Ruby, Valerie Jackson, Miriam, Havana Ginger, Gina Ginger, Kelly Wells, Lori London, Ty Enali, Kat, Isabella Stanza, Hillary Scott, Penny Flame, Melissa Walker, Bailey O’Dare, Daryn Derby, Roxy Jezel, Simone, Sheena, Alexis Duvall, Pamela Peaks, Jabine, Angela and Danielle, Vera and Suzanne, Vanessa, Angel Long, Camilla, Katie Ray, Missy Monroe, Nikki Knox, Sasha and Misha, Mika Tan, Autumn, Aaralyn Barra, Ina and Helga, Allura Eden, Danika, Lilly, Jane and Sandra, Ali Cat, Marquetta Jewel, Jamie Woods, Ashley Haze, Kinzy Jo, Audrey Hollender, Leah Luv, Aaliyah Likit, Bonnie, Trisha Red, Allie Ray, Alyssa, Amber Peach, Angela Stone, Jennifer Steele, Sarah Summers, Annie Cruz, April, Kami Andrews, Alaura Eden, Layla Rivera, Angelina Bonet, Cat, Trina Michaels, Capri, Chloe, Flower Tucci, Jasmine Tame, Paris, Cindy Crawford, Jessica Day, Gen Padova, Emma, Ashley Gracie, Amber Rayne, Leah Stevenson, Kayla Marie, Alexis Red, Nicki Curves, Alisha Angel, Alana Evans, Georgia X, Lavelle, Meadow, Vanessa Rubec, Francesca Sins, Gia Jordan, Ariana Jollee, Vanessa Le Vane, Trinity Mexx, Dani Woodward, Nikki Hunter, Daisy, Gigi, Jordan Styles, Steffy Craft, Cameron James, Angela Stone, Alicia Rhodes, Makayla Cox, Shay Lamar, Genesis Skye, Vanessa Lane, Gisselle, Courtney, Frida and Toni, Julie Silver, Claudia Rossi, Franki and Vanessa, Panther, Jessi Summers, Alaya, Faith Grant, Veronika Jett, Ice La Fox, Alisha Daniels, Nikki Nite, Jasmine, Chiquita Lopez, Michelle B, Carmen Sancha, Chrissy Tyler, Dasani, Kat, Brodi, Vanessie, Joelean, Haley, Loni, Cytherea, Donna Doll, Sandra Romain, Rachelle Ryan, Leyla Lei, Jesse Summers, Caramel, Marie Luv, Gia Paloma, Ashley Grace, Eva Angelina, Katin, Jessica D, Angelina Sky, Sophie Dee, Carrie Ann, Katlina, Rebecca Steel, Daisy Marie, Ginger Lea, Morgan March, Shannon Kelly, Melissa Lauren, Kayla Marie, Angela Flint, Victoria Givens, Aurora Snow, Melanie Jagger, Betty Blue, Sky Taylor, Austin O’Riley, Nadia Sin, Rio Mariah, Kami Andrews, Vanilla Skye, Chanel Chavez, Lani Lane, Brooke Hunter, Venus, Angel Long, Ava Ramon, Avy Lee Roth, Bianca Pureheart, Bonnie Heart, Brandi Lyons, Chennie Black, Cherry Lane, Deja Daire, Eden, Elizabeth, Emma, Francissa Sins, Gia Genesis, Gia Jordan, Honey, Isabelice, Jackie Moore, Jacqueline, Jada Fire, Jadden, Jezebelle Bond, Kammy, Katalin, Katin, Katrina Kraven, Kerry, Kylie Ray, Larisa Fox, Lady Jade, Lexi, Lucy Lee, Lucy Thai, Maria, Miss Arroyo, Nautica Thorn